Confessional
by Kai Zeal
Summary: Oneshot/ Joshua just loved him the first time that he saw him. And then she had to go and ruin everything. (Joshua character study; pre-game to mid-game)


"Confessional"

When God created man, he did so to rule over them. He could choose to save them, if he wished. He could let them die—he could encourage whatever results he wanted, though supposedly, he never actually intervened. They were his puppets on strings, dancing to his string-tugs; he could not decide exactly where they landed—a long string just does not allow that type of control. That's why I always found those old, archaistic gods boring. I prefer to take matters into my own hands; my puppets do not get strings that long.

I remember the first time I saw him—he was perfect. Wandering around Shibuya, lost like a puppy. He thought he knew everything. Staring at Mr. Hanekoma's— CAT's —graffiti, he increased the volume of music through his headphones. And they were the perfect type of headphones—large, completely covering his ears. He embodies everything I believed in— every reason why Shibuya deserves to die.

He smiled at that wall, like he found peace. I could not wait to take it from him—to push him beyond everything.

To make him enter my game. I was to be his Composer. He was to be my Player. And he will act as the wild card for Megumi's game. Megumi thinks that Shibuya can be saved by assimilation. My proxy—this insufferable, isolationist, apathetic teen—will show him wrong. He will show that people never change—they can only care about themselves and their small little worlds. And if he started to change, then I decided that I simply must stop him. I'll enter the Reaper's Game and make sure he doesn't change. I'm not one for losing, and I only promised to say out of the UG as Composer.

I'm their Composer. I make the rules. I'm their god. They died and want another chance at life, so they play my game—the Reaper's Game. I laugh because they didn't deserve their first shot, let alone a second. Megumi begs to differ. He'll lose because of it too.

I waited a few days—just a few. He always returned to that wall, which was excellent. Even better, Minamimoto—a insufferable smug bastard with a numbers fetish, began to think that he could conquer me; he thought that he could defeat me and become Composer instead of a lowly Reaper. Little does he know that he's just another short-stringed puppet.

Minamimoto decided to attack me in the RG. He's right— I don't have all of my powers there. Gun in hand, he chased me down the dark alleyways of Dogenzaka. It's all so perfect, I could laugh. And I will, once I win this game and Megumi loses. Shame I'll have to find a new Conductor though; he's otherwise served me so well. Minamimoto ran off to a different street. He thought that he's outsmarted me.

I love this. A lowly Reaper who thought that he's smarter and better than me, the Composer. I still love how arrogant he is. I loved his arrogance so much that I allowed him to be the second week's Game Master. He's great, too— the perfect prologue before Megumi loses and I destroy Shibuya for being stagnant, boring, and pathetic.

Run, run, run. I even pretended to be marginally scared. I wasn't. I may only have a fraction of my powers in the RG, but I still have much more power than a simple ambitious Reaper. We arrived right at CAT's wall. And there he was, right on schedule. My future Proxy. I held my gun out; my Proxy's eyes widened. I shot past him, watching his frightened expression. It just got better, though, as the shot was aimed at Minamimoto, not my future Proxy. Minamimoto shot back; I stopped pretending to be scared, leaving the bullets to fall on the floor. Minamoto fled; he, of course, realized his mistake. But punishing him was another matter, one that I didn't particularly care about at the moment. Instead, I walked to my Proxy. I saw him sitting on the ground, having fallen. Or maybe his legs had let out in terror. Didn't matter either way— he was done with life. I aimed my gun, shooting him in the chest; he immediately fell to the floor. I laid his Player Pin on him.

Now I needed to wait. And I did, for the first week. I watched him make his pact in order to have a Partner— it was a young girl. Her entry fee was her appearance— she now looked like the best friend she was always jealous of. I watched at Hachiko, everything from their meeting to her innocent explanations. She had to explain to him how to play the Game, and what it even is. Not surprising— his entry fee was his memory.

I also confiscated a few particular memories as well, outside of his entry fee. I'll use them as I see fit.

But there was a problem that I noticed— he started to open up. He started to expand his world beyond his own, due to his Partner. Mr. Hanekoma didn't help either, actually. But most people aren't wise enough to heed the Producer's words, and I assumed my Proxy was one of them. This was not good at all. So, working far harder at my job than I should ever have to, I arranged a meeting with my Conductor. Being Composer can be so tiring some days; at times, I understand why those ancient gods left the people to die on their own.

I explained to Megumi that the qualifications to win that Game changed: only the Player with the highest points could be reborn. I then told him that Player was Shiki Misaki. Of course she wasn't— she was, in fact, the lowest of the remaining Players. But I have a plan, and she was interfering. I couldn't care less what happened to her, as long as she quit causing my Proxy to broaden his view and change.

That could cause me to lose the Game I have with Megumi, and I don't like losing. I'm the Composer of Shibuya. And gods don't lose.

I watched as my Proxy, as adorable as ever, but unfortunately caring entirely too much, saw that girl become his next entry fee.

I hadn't actually expected that. Matters must be taken more seriously, so I decide to intervene directly now. I only promised to stay out of the Game as a Composer. Instead, I'll be a Player this time— his Partner. And I'll assure he sees the world as black as it is. I'll assure that he blocks himself off, and closes off what she had opened.

I wait at Hachiko. Sure enough, he comes running. It's great; I force a Pact with him, before he even notices. Now he's my partner, and I have all week to reverse her damage.

He's my Proxy. So adorable, so perfect.

I walk up to him. He likely assumes I'm just another Player, like him. "Howdy." He stares at me; at least he's still cautious of people he doesn't know. I'd hate to think that she broke him that much. "The name's Yoshiya Kiryu. But Mother and Father call me Joshua." He continues staring, a slight twitch coming to his eyebrow. There's a puff of his lower lip too.

Simply adorable.

"I guess you can call me Joshua too— seeing as how you're my dear, dear Partner." I am not able to prevent a laugh from how dismayed he immediately is. Mr. Hanekoma's commented that my laughs sound more like snide giggles, and I'm perfectly all right with that.

"You're what?!" His first words ever to me. I love it.

"You seem like such a pro at this, I just…helped myself."

"A pro? How could you know that?"

I want to comment on how I've watched him very carefully the past two weeks. I can't just go around killing anyone— the UG's far too crowded as it is. That's why it needs to be erased. The useless, close-minded people all need to die, and unfortunately, it just so happens that the "unless, close-minded people" compose all of UG Shibuya. I decide for a partial truth— the best for causing him to close off again. "I've been watching you, silly. Very impressive by the way."

He examines me closer. Of course he doesn't remember me: I still hold onto the memory of his death. I kept that back for a reason, after all. He has the rest, though, which I had hoped would make him more nihilistic once more; it's the only truth, after all. Before he has too much time to think, I smirk and slide my hands into my jean pockets. "Today's the first day and all… Let's just take it easy, hmm? Why don't you start by giving the area a scan, Partner?"

His cheeks flush just slightly as he moves his eyes away. He's embarrassed that he's wasted time. I love it.

Then it gets even better. He accidentally scans me. He isn't the type to do scan me on purpose, though— not after his recent Game with Miss Friendship. Having a moment to decide exactly what— if anything— he will see when he scans me, I decide to tease him with his death— just a shot at the Udagawa district. Nothing he can use.

"Something wrong? Are we not feeling well?" He's confused. Not just any person could project a memory like that, after all. Scanning usually finds the random, useless thoughts of the day from the random, useless people around. "Is this going to be a problem? I need you to pull it together. Unlike some people, I'm new at all this. I'm expecting a bang-up job from you, Mr. Escort."

"I'm new at this. " Hah. I am. I've never pretended to be a lowly Player before. I'll barely be able to use any of my power, which is such a shame. Instead, I'll get to watch my dear little Proxy suffer, which isn't so bad.

"…I'll be fine."

"Will you?" I don't wait for his reply; I instead smirk. "Wonderful. Then can we go?" He continues staring at me. Confused, cautious, and still adorable. "Hmm? What's the holdup, Neku?"

"It's nothing."

He confused about me. It's so apparent that the confusion alone is worth teasing. But I'll drop it for now— I have all week, and there's other things I can tease him over. "Don't tell me you're still stuck on the mission mail. Please. It's painfully obvious." He stays silent, staring straight at me. I love his eyes— so fierce, so blue, so unknowing about how difficult I'm about to make his week. "X marks the spot. 30+74, Neku. We're headed to 104. If you ever find yourself stumped, I'd be happy to help you along. Just say the word. I promise you my advice is spot-on. Lucky you, having me as your partner." He doesn't realize how lucky he is. He'll make it to the end of the week, even if he wishes he hadn't. I'm the Composer, after all.

Regaining that twitch, I can tell he's having lovely dialogue about hating me in his head. It's great. After a moment, I realize that I slipped— said his name. Better ask before I do it again. "Oh! I can't say I'm particularly interested, but… I'll go ahead and ask, for the sake of convenience. Do you have a name?"

Almost as if I asked his darkest secret, he peers at me. "…Neku."

"Neku, hmm?" I giggle once more; this is going to be such a fun week. "Charming." He gains another twitch. Maybe I'll make it a permanent, timed response before the week's over? "Well then, Neku. Shall we?"

With myself, along with Minamimoto being GM this week, it should be just about perfect—

It should hopefully allow all the damage she did to be to be reverted.

* * *

This was one of those games that I played, that I _heard _it was good, but didn't see why. Until Joshua. Joshua is just awesome. So for one of my classes, I had to write slash fan fiction, and I could think of no one better to write about than the loving narcissist. So, I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! As always, I love comments, whether positive or not, so please feel free to drop one!

If you get really bored, please check out my personal site (or fiction press) for my original story!

Kai


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